Hey, everybody,
Sorry about no post last week. Mental health got in the way. And honestly, this week I've had a serious case of writer's block. Basically, not a great couple of weeks.
I'll be writing a few more posts in advance from now on if I can. Sort of as a buffer so this doesn't happen again.
On a more serious note, mental health is important. Take a break for yourself. There's only one you. No one can replace you.
-Vic
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Monday, May 11, 2020
Playlist Thoughts - 1
Heya, guys,
First, sorry this is posted so late. I kept editing this a lot. But hopefully, this helps some folks out there.
Recently, I've been thinking about a playlist I started making at some point last year. It's my dysphoria playlist. Sharing it might not work, seeing as it's personalized to me specifically. However, an outline might help better. I'll see if in the future I can share other playlist thoughts, though currently I only have one for my dysphoria. Probably should have one for anxiety and depression too, tbh.
So basically my outline was kinda as follows (even with this, it's not all organized in a specific way, cause my ADHD brain has its own way of organization):
1) Trans YouTubers that I watch a lot, usually their advice videos or transitioning
- For this one, I only have 3 videos so far. A top surgery progression video, advice on top surgery, and how to handle doubt with dysphoria.
- Basically, this is stuff I relate to, or I'm looking forward to. If I see anything else, I might add to it, but the core videos I have there serve their purpose.
- This section mostly serves to alleviate my physical dysphoria and doubts.
2) Music I can sing to that makes me feel like the gender I am and is in a register that doesn't make me feel like I'm faking it too much
- There's not a lot of music that I love that I can actually sing to anymore. I used to be in a choir, and although I hated the spotlight, I still love singing. But now there's not a lot of songs that I used to sing with that I can still sing with.
- So I've picked songs for me that are in a low enough register that I'm not straining, but not high enough that I feel dysphoric.
- Sadly, this is a small section as well, though honestly, that's more because I haven't used this section as much via YouTube. I have a playlist on my phone through Amazon Music that does the same thing.
3) Trans humor
- Relateable trans humor, memes, reaction videos.
- Need I say more?
4) Trans short films with a positive ending
- These are still tough to find. I have a trigger to suicide, even if it's just implied, so my favorite one I still have to skip over a bit of it. (It's called Masked by MomentumStudiosAU)
- Also very hard to find ones about trans guys. I'm also very picky and don't like to watch ones that don't make me immersed.
- (Nothing against creators, I'm just picky and I'm trying to fix that)
5) General funny leading to LGBT specific funny and back to general
- I've got videos of: John Mulaney; LGBT vines (doing my best to have mostly clean humor because sex jokes annoy me); clips from LGBT characters in shows and movies being disasters; some of my favorite YouTubers doing weird and funny stuff that makes me pee laughing whenever I watch them
- Basically, it comes down to: what makes you laugh reliably and having enough to the point where you forget you were so down, or at least calmed down to where you can address what was upsetting you.
6) Coming out videos of my favorite YouTubers
- Just people talking about their coming out experiences, then I'll also risk reading the comments on certain ones because I know their fans aren't toxic.
- I don't really understand why it's comforting, but I also like the ones where they're coming out to the internet, so I understand a bit more about where they're coming from and I'm not alone.
7) Advice on transitioning, how to prepare and such
- I ended up moving most of these to my "For Later- Transition" playlist. It's mostly alleviating fears about what T would do or how to make sure your top surgery will go well (mental health, exercising, taking care of your body, etc).
- Also, a few videos on how to explain being trans to your family members that might not get it at first. I've got a transphobic aunt, so this is mostly to prepare talking to my cousins.
8) Animation videos
- This is more for me. I want to make my coming out video animated. So it's mostly ones that the animation is cool or they have my favorite songs or both. Animation is cool, you know?
9) LGBT positivity/pride month videos
- Thomas Sanders videos and LGBT animatics. That's all I've got there. A lot of it's just for community and whatnot. There's also the added effect that some of them are how I realized I was ace and then trans.
10) More music, just for listening
- Most of these are stuff for animation videos I want to make. "I'll Make A Man Out Of You," "I Can't Wait To Be King," "Make You Proud," to give some examples.
- Maybe it's just me, but these songs, in particular, give strong trans guy vibes. So even though they're from entirely different contexts, they're mine now. (Not really, they still belong to Disney)
11) Try not to cry videos that always make me cry
- Queer Eye clips, emotional videos. Crying helps me a lot. It just releases all the bad feelings, and I'm also usually watching something that makes me smile while I cry. I'm an emotional human, and crying is better than therapy. (Note: In some cases. I still go to therapy.)
12) Random videos that I haven't sorted yet
- This is just stuff I've added recently, but I've been too lazy to sort them. I also have a few random things I like there, but no section yet for them.
Sorry again that this is late. Give this playlist idea a try if you want. Make it personalized to you. This is for your health and mental wellbeing, just like mine is for me. To each their own, you know?
-Vic
First, sorry this is posted so late. I kept editing this a lot. But hopefully, this helps some folks out there.
Recently, I've been thinking about a playlist I started making at some point last year. It's my dysphoria playlist. Sharing it might not work, seeing as it's personalized to me specifically. However, an outline might help better. I'll see if in the future I can share other playlist thoughts, though currently I only have one for my dysphoria. Probably should have one for anxiety and depression too, tbh.
So basically my outline was kinda as follows (even with this, it's not all organized in a specific way, cause my ADHD brain has its own way of organization):
1) Trans YouTubers that I watch a lot, usually their advice videos or transitioning
- For this one, I only have 3 videos so far. A top surgery progression video, advice on top surgery, and how to handle doubt with dysphoria.
- Basically, this is stuff I relate to, or I'm looking forward to. If I see anything else, I might add to it, but the core videos I have there serve their purpose.
- This section mostly serves to alleviate my physical dysphoria and doubts.
2) Music I can sing to that makes me feel like the gender I am and is in a register that doesn't make me feel like I'm faking it too much
- There's not a lot of music that I love that I can actually sing to anymore. I used to be in a choir, and although I hated the spotlight, I still love singing. But now there's not a lot of songs that I used to sing with that I can still sing with.
- So I've picked songs for me that are in a low enough register that I'm not straining, but not high enough that I feel dysphoric.
- Sadly, this is a small section as well, though honestly, that's more because I haven't used this section as much via YouTube. I have a playlist on my phone through Amazon Music that does the same thing.
3) Trans humor
- Relateable trans humor, memes, reaction videos.
- Need I say more?
4) Trans short films with a positive ending
- These are still tough to find. I have a trigger to suicide, even if it's just implied, so my favorite one I still have to skip over a bit of it. (It's called Masked by MomentumStudiosAU)
- Also very hard to find ones about trans guys. I'm also very picky and don't like to watch ones that don't make me immersed.
- (Nothing against creators, I'm just picky and I'm trying to fix that)
5) General funny leading to LGBT specific funny and back to general
- I've got videos of: John Mulaney; LGBT vines (doing my best to have mostly clean humor because sex jokes annoy me); clips from LGBT characters in shows and movies being disasters; some of my favorite YouTubers doing weird and funny stuff that makes me pee laughing whenever I watch them
- Basically, it comes down to: what makes you laugh reliably and having enough to the point where you forget you were so down, or at least calmed down to where you can address what was upsetting you.
6) Coming out videos of my favorite YouTubers
- Just people talking about their coming out experiences, then I'll also risk reading the comments on certain ones because I know their fans aren't toxic.
- I don't really understand why it's comforting, but I also like the ones where they're coming out to the internet, so I understand a bit more about where they're coming from and I'm not alone.
7) Advice on transitioning, how to prepare and such
- I ended up moving most of these to my "For Later- Transition" playlist. It's mostly alleviating fears about what T would do or how to make sure your top surgery will go well (mental health, exercising, taking care of your body, etc).
- Also, a few videos on how to explain being trans to your family members that might not get it at first. I've got a transphobic aunt, so this is mostly to prepare talking to my cousins.
8) Animation videos
- This is more for me. I want to make my coming out video animated. So it's mostly ones that the animation is cool or they have my favorite songs or both. Animation is cool, you know?
9) LGBT positivity/pride month videos
- Thomas Sanders videos and LGBT animatics. That's all I've got there. A lot of it's just for community and whatnot. There's also the added effect that some of them are how I realized I was ace and then trans.
10) More music, just for listening
- Most of these are stuff for animation videos I want to make. "I'll Make A Man Out Of You," "I Can't Wait To Be King," "Make You Proud," to give some examples.
- Maybe it's just me, but these songs, in particular, give strong trans guy vibes. So even though they're from entirely different contexts, they're mine now. (Not really, they still belong to Disney)
11) Try not to cry videos that always make me cry
- Queer Eye clips, emotional videos. Crying helps me a lot. It just releases all the bad feelings, and I'm also usually watching something that makes me smile while I cry. I'm an emotional human, and crying is better than therapy. (Note: In some cases. I still go to therapy.)
12) Random videos that I haven't sorted yet
- This is just stuff I've added recently, but I've been too lazy to sort them. I also have a few random things I like there, but no section yet for them.
Sorry again that this is late. Give this playlist idea a try if you want. Make it personalized to you. This is for your health and mental wellbeing, just like mine is for me. To each their own, you know?
-Vic
Monday, May 4, 2020
Changing My Name- Part 1
Hello all,
I'm in the process of legally changing my name. So I thought I'd share how it goes.
Firstly, how I chose my name. It was actually originally a pen name. I wanted something gender-neutral, so I went on some websites and finally picked something I liked. Or maybe it was just a name my friend helped me pick out. Honestly, it was years ago, so I don't remember quite how that went. Although, the name website path is how I found what I'll be changing my middle name to.
Basically, I chose something that I don't love love love. Which after looking at a lot of "choosing your name advice," it's a good thing. If you think about it, not a lot of people absolutely love their names all the time, even if it was the same one you. So I guess one effect of loving a name too much is that you could be sick of it later. Not that you can't choose a name you absolutely love. It's just a suggestion.
Obviously, once you've chosen a name and that you'll be legally changing it, it can literally cost you. In my state, you have to pay around 200 US dollars when you initially file the papers. But you also have to pay to put it in the newspaper later, though I don't know how much that'll cost me yet.
That's also something to keep in mind if that's one of the conditions in your state/county. Your full name, both old and new, will have to be printed in a newspaper. If that ends up being a safety issue, you can hire a lawyer to help you waive that condition. One example, an abusive person you know possibly seeing this information, then you obviously wouldn't want them to find your new name. Or a transphobic family member. No matter the reason, you'd still need a lawyer for something like that.
Plus, some other info will have to be in the newspaper as well, like what town you live in, your birth month and year, and some other personal stuff. Just remember to keep this in mind. It might vary by state to state, but that's something common I've heard from asking others.
Also, just remember not to rush. I've wanted to change my name for years, and honestly, being trans is the main reason I'm doing it. It gives me a lot of dysphoria to be connected with my birth name. However, I haven't rushed the process because my current name means a lot to some people. If I say I'm changing it because I hate it, which I don't, that'll hurt these people. I won't go into detail, as that's both a long story and very personal.
Changing your name is a big deal and can be expensive, though you can waive the price to do it. Still, it's a lot of legal stuff, and I didn't even mention the fact that I'll have to be going through other legal hoops later. Like having to change it on my driver's license and credit cards and other important identification forms. I'll be leaving that for part two after I've successfully filed everything.
-Vic
I'm in the process of legally changing my name. So I thought I'd share how it goes.
Firstly, how I chose my name. It was actually originally a pen name. I wanted something gender-neutral, so I went on some websites and finally picked something I liked. Or maybe it was just a name my friend helped me pick out. Honestly, it was years ago, so I don't remember quite how that went. Although, the name website path is how I found what I'll be changing my middle name to.
Basically, I chose something that I don't love love love. Which after looking at a lot of "choosing your name advice," it's a good thing. If you think about it, not a lot of people absolutely love their names all the time, even if it was the same one you. So I guess one effect of loving a name too much is that you could be sick of it later. Not that you can't choose a name you absolutely love. It's just a suggestion.
Obviously, once you've chosen a name and that you'll be legally changing it, it can literally cost you. In my state, you have to pay around 200 US dollars when you initially file the papers. But you also have to pay to put it in the newspaper later, though I don't know how much that'll cost me yet.
That's also something to keep in mind if that's one of the conditions in your state/county. Your full name, both old and new, will have to be printed in a newspaper. If that ends up being a safety issue, you can hire a lawyer to help you waive that condition. One example, an abusive person you know possibly seeing this information, then you obviously wouldn't want them to find your new name. Or a transphobic family member. No matter the reason, you'd still need a lawyer for something like that.
Plus, some other info will have to be in the newspaper as well, like what town you live in, your birth month and year, and some other personal stuff. Just remember to keep this in mind. It might vary by state to state, but that's something common I've heard from asking others.
Also, just remember not to rush. I've wanted to change my name for years, and honestly, being trans is the main reason I'm doing it. It gives me a lot of dysphoria to be connected with my birth name. However, I haven't rushed the process because my current name means a lot to some people. If I say I'm changing it because I hate it, which I don't, that'll hurt these people. I won't go into detail, as that's both a long story and very personal.
Changing your name is a big deal and can be expensive, though you can waive the price to do it. Still, it's a lot of legal stuff, and I didn't even mention the fact that I'll have to be going through other legal hoops later. Like having to change it on my driver's license and credit cards and other important identification forms. I'll be leaving that for part two after I've successfully filed everything.
-Vic
Monday, April 27, 2020
Being Ace- 1
TW: acephobia, sexism, rape, more warnings included on 1st photo of 3 at the end of the post
I've had to deal with people talking and going on about sex since high school. People going on about how sex should be saved for marriage, others saying it doesn't matter and do it whenever you want. If I say that I've never had sex and have no desire to do so, it's as if I've personally offended them.
One day while I was at work (I had a job at a casino, to give some context), I mistakenly told one of our regulars that I was a virgin. One reason being that I was annoyed he kept suggesting to me that if I shut my legs, my boyfriend would give me whatever I wanted. That was his advice for me getting my boyfriend to propose. So I said we don't do that kind of thing, as he'd shown religious leanings in the past, I thought he'd back off. Nope, apparently, I was like a wild unicorn. At first, it was hilarious, as he just quieted down and left me alone for the rest of the night.
Then came two days later. Honestly, I should have known better. This man was vulgar on most days and was always coming up to the counter talking about the porn (in great detail!) on his phone. He decided it was his job to tell me that someday my boyfriend would take what he wanted from me. That that was what God intended and nothing I did would stop that from happening.
It took everything in me not to snap and come out right then (I'm not out as trans, as I've said, though then he would have been homophobic/transphobic instead, as he has been in the past). Or to say something insulting right back. Or to just climb over the counter and do something back at him. As it was, my face still went majorly red as it does when I'm uncomfortable (I have no control over it) and I walked away after finishing my job. That was when my supervisor finally stepped in, to which the man told her some derogatory stuff in turn and then finally left the counter.
A lot of that honestly could have been handled a lot better. My coworkers took my side, though they wondered why I didn't stand up for myself. I had said no to him repeatedly but walked away when I was close to saying something to cost me my job, which they understood. My supervisors on the other hand... It was my fault because I "riled him up". By what, saying no? Making it very clear in my actions and tone that he was making me uncomfortable? If the single male supervisor had been working that day, I'm sure it wouldn't have been an issue. As it was, the two female ones often don't stand up to the customers like these.
Things like this don't happen often to me, but it happens enough that I've been insecure for years. I have no control over the fact that I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm just not wired that way. But other people don't have to insist that they know better than I do about me. Keep your opinions and hands to yourself. Which brings me to these pictures I found on FB today:
I'm lucky, in a lot of respects. I haven't had anyone assault me or push themselves on me. The most I've had are vivid nightmares of being raped and the like. But this isn't something that should be dismissed. It's not okay.
The other day it was pointed out to me that most of the asexual representation in movies or books in severely tilted towards women. "400 ace characters, of which only 35 are men" tilted. So men have next to none. I searched this for myself and found that not only is there next to none, but any that are are Villian-coded or have no happy ending. Not to mention less than half of that 35 are also aro (aromantic-no romantic attraction).
Another personal experience of mine is bringing up being ace in some of my trans support groups. I've been told that being ace is probably just because I'm insecure, and I'll experience sexual attraction when I get on T. Nevermind the fact I'm still weighing whether or not I want to go that route, but still. What if I remain ace even after then? Is there any representation for ace trans men? Not that I could find.
Something needs to change. And acephobia should be taken seriously instead of brushed off over and over. I'm writing more books to help fix the balance in that way, but others need to step up, too. We're not alone. It's estimated 1% of the population is asexual, which seems small, but is actually roughly 75 million people, or 75,000,000. So, something has to change and who else is going to help?
-Vic
I've had to deal with people talking and going on about sex since high school. People going on about how sex should be saved for marriage, others saying it doesn't matter and do it whenever you want. If I say that I've never had sex and have no desire to do so, it's as if I've personally offended them.
One day while I was at work (I had a job at a casino, to give some context), I mistakenly told one of our regulars that I was a virgin. One reason being that I was annoyed he kept suggesting to me that if I shut my legs, my boyfriend would give me whatever I wanted. That was his advice for me getting my boyfriend to propose. So I said we don't do that kind of thing, as he'd shown religious leanings in the past, I thought he'd back off. Nope, apparently, I was like a wild unicorn. At first, it was hilarious, as he just quieted down and left me alone for the rest of the night.
Then came two days later. Honestly, I should have known better. This man was vulgar on most days and was always coming up to the counter talking about the porn (in great detail!) on his phone. He decided it was his job to tell me that someday my boyfriend would take what he wanted from me. That that was what God intended and nothing I did would stop that from happening.
It took everything in me not to snap and come out right then (I'm not out as trans, as I've said, though then he would have been homophobic/transphobic instead, as he has been in the past). Or to say something insulting right back. Or to just climb over the counter and do something back at him. As it was, my face still went majorly red as it does when I'm uncomfortable (I have no control over it) and I walked away after finishing my job. That was when my supervisor finally stepped in, to which the man told her some derogatory stuff in turn and then finally left the counter.
A lot of that honestly could have been handled a lot better. My coworkers took my side, though they wondered why I didn't stand up for myself. I had said no to him repeatedly but walked away when I was close to saying something to cost me my job, which they understood. My supervisors on the other hand... It was my fault because I "riled him up". By what, saying no? Making it very clear in my actions and tone that he was making me uncomfortable? If the single male supervisor had been working that day, I'm sure it wouldn't have been an issue. As it was, the two female ones often don't stand up to the customers like these.
Things like this don't happen often to me, but it happens enough that I've been insecure for years. I have no control over the fact that I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm just not wired that way. But other people don't have to insist that they know better than I do about me. Keep your opinions and hands to yourself. Which brings me to these pictures I found on FB today:
I'm lucky, in a lot of respects. I haven't had anyone assault me or push themselves on me. The most I've had are vivid nightmares of being raped and the like. But this isn't something that should be dismissed. It's not okay.
The other day it was pointed out to me that most of the asexual representation in movies or books in severely tilted towards women. "400 ace characters, of which only 35 are men" tilted. So men have next to none. I searched this for myself and found that not only is there next to none, but any that are are Villian-coded or have no happy ending. Not to mention less than half of that 35 are also aro (aromantic-no romantic attraction).
Another personal experience of mine is bringing up being ace in some of my trans support groups. I've been told that being ace is probably just because I'm insecure, and I'll experience sexual attraction when I get on T. Nevermind the fact I'm still weighing whether or not I want to go that route, but still. What if I remain ace even after then? Is there any representation for ace trans men? Not that I could find.
Something needs to change. And acephobia should be taken seriously instead of brushed off over and over. I'm writing more books to help fix the balance in that way, but others need to step up, too. We're not alone. It's estimated 1% of the population is asexual, which seems small, but is actually roughly 75 million people, or 75,000,000. So, something has to change and who else is going to help?
-Vic
Monday, April 20, 2020
Rambling Thoughts - 1
TW: mentions of transphobia and doubt
So, this week I've got writer's block. I've been trying to make posts out in advance, but all of them are half done or fragments, what have you.
When in doubt, I just start rambling. Just bear with me, alright?
One thing that's got me stuck lately has been doubt. Doubt in myself, doubt in friends, in family. Honestly, it's mostly about me being trans.
I came out as ace with very little fanfare. Just a Facebook post explaining it and saying this is what I am. It wasn't too bad, and I didn't get any sour reactions to it. Honestly, that's probably because anyone who would have issues with it isn't following me anymore. Or they just don't check Facebook. The first is probably more likely in some cases because I've been sharing more LGBT positive posts. I friended a lot of folks when I was in my senior year of high school, you know, before I realized that Catholics weren't as fantastic as they said they were. (Disclaimer: Not all Catholics are horrible, just as Christians are not. It all comes down to the person themself.)
A lot of my family was accepting, which was nice. My immediate family knows about all of it now. I told my sister first, then my parents. Sister got a phone call and my parents got a letter. The letter came from an attempt to come out while my boyfriend was visiting, but chickening out and writing out my feelings instead.
Now, my extended family didn't react badly to me being ace. However, from past posts, I know that at least one of my relatives is transphobic. They aren't blood-related, just one of the married in ones. According to them, pronouns are selfish, and making a big deal out of your chosen name is ridiculous. Which isn't true. Mental health is important, and to downgrade it to being "selfish" is kind of a jerk move on their part.
Honestly, they're gonna eat crow once I come out. Or they'll just be one of the people I cut out of my life. My only hope is that it won't prevent me from seeing my cousins, because that would suck. Well, unless they adopt the same ideas as her. We'll find out someday.
But until then, I'll be coming up with more and more ways to prove I am me and not have to seek approval. Because the one who comes first is yourself. At least in stuff like this.
-Vic
So, this week I've got writer's block. I've been trying to make posts out in advance, but all of them are half done or fragments, what have you.
When in doubt, I just start rambling. Just bear with me, alright?
One thing that's got me stuck lately has been doubt. Doubt in myself, doubt in friends, in family. Honestly, it's mostly about me being trans.
I came out as ace with very little fanfare. Just a Facebook post explaining it and saying this is what I am. It wasn't too bad, and I didn't get any sour reactions to it. Honestly, that's probably because anyone who would have issues with it isn't following me anymore. Or they just don't check Facebook. The first is probably more likely in some cases because I've been sharing more LGBT positive posts. I friended a lot of folks when I was in my senior year of high school, you know, before I realized that Catholics weren't as fantastic as they said they were. (Disclaimer: Not all Catholics are horrible, just as Christians are not. It all comes down to the person themself.)
A lot of my family was accepting, which was nice. My immediate family knows about all of it now. I told my sister first, then my parents. Sister got a phone call and my parents got a letter. The letter came from an attempt to come out while my boyfriend was visiting, but chickening out and writing out my feelings instead.
Now, my extended family didn't react badly to me being ace. However, from past posts, I know that at least one of my relatives is transphobic. They aren't blood-related, just one of the married in ones. According to them, pronouns are selfish, and making a big deal out of your chosen name is ridiculous. Which isn't true. Mental health is important, and to downgrade it to being "selfish" is kind of a jerk move on their part.
Honestly, they're gonna eat crow once I come out. Or they'll just be one of the people I cut out of my life. My only hope is that it won't prevent me from seeing my cousins, because that would suck. Well, unless they adopt the same ideas as her. We'll find out someday.
But until then, I'll be coming up with more and more ways to prove I am me and not have to seek approval. Because the one who comes first is yourself. At least in stuff like this.
-Vic
Monday, April 13, 2020
12th Grade- Letter 1
TW: mentions of Gender Dysphoria, Anxiety, and Depression
Dear senior year me,
I know you're stuck right now. This whole thing sucks. Your friends aren't making much sense. They're not communicating anymore. But you know something else?
Those friends aren't going to be around much longer. You'll see their true colors when times get hard and when they get better too. I know that's hard to hear. It was hard for me the first time. Well, technically, the second, as we both know this has happened before. But this time we know more.
We know that not everybody you know for years you can trust. We know that you need to trust your instincts. When you get a bad vibe, you believe it. If someone tells you to go against your gut, you tell them no. Actually, don't even tell them no. Just ignore their well-meaning suggestions. Because even if they think it's good for all parties, it might not be right for you.
Trust your gut.
Crying alone in your room won't last forever, either. Well, it still happens, but it's not for people that don't matter. Plus, it won't be every night, just for a few low nights. And you have great friends who care about you. New ones, who care about you in the bad times as well as good.
Also, spoilers, but you have a boyfriend, too. He's nerdy and adorkable. You'll be nervous, but he's supportive and caring. It'll be scary to trust again so soon, but he's one of the good ones. He loves you for you. He's not just your boyfriend; he's one of your best friends.
And try on some button down-shirts and ties, for goodness sake. I know it's against the dress code at school, but you haven't shied away from trying things when you're alone. Trust me, none of your family is going to judge you. And they definitely aren't going to notice when you get a binder in three years. Sorry, spoilers.
Seriously, though. Formal shirt and tie, that's all I'm asking.
Don't listen to the crap your teachers are spewing about gay guys being gross and trans people being confused. They don't know because they don't care to. So they won't research and have an open mind like you do. They've got their own ideas already. Just be yourself and stay open.
-Vic
Dear senior year me,
I know you're stuck right now. This whole thing sucks. Your friends aren't making much sense. They're not communicating anymore. But you know something else?
Those friends aren't going to be around much longer. You'll see their true colors when times get hard and when they get better too. I know that's hard to hear. It was hard for me the first time. Well, technically, the second, as we both know this has happened before. But this time we know more.
We know that not everybody you know for years you can trust. We know that you need to trust your instincts. When you get a bad vibe, you believe it. If someone tells you to go against your gut, you tell them no. Actually, don't even tell them no. Just ignore their well-meaning suggestions. Because even if they think it's good for all parties, it might not be right for you.
Trust your gut.
Crying alone in your room won't last forever, either. Well, it still happens, but it's not for people that don't matter. Plus, it won't be every night, just for a few low nights. And you have great friends who care about you. New ones, who care about you in the bad times as well as good.
Also, spoilers, but you have a boyfriend, too. He's nerdy and adorkable. You'll be nervous, but he's supportive and caring. It'll be scary to trust again so soon, but he's one of the good ones. He loves you for you. He's not just your boyfriend; he's one of your best friends.
And try on some button down-shirts and ties, for goodness sake. I know it's against the dress code at school, but you haven't shied away from trying things when you're alone. Trust me, none of your family is going to judge you. And they definitely aren't going to notice when you get a binder in three years. Sorry, spoilers.
Seriously, though. Formal shirt and tie, that's all I'm asking.
Don't listen to the crap your teachers are spewing about gay guys being gross and trans people being confused. They don't know because they don't care to. So they won't research and have an open mind like you do. They've got their own ideas already. Just be yourself and stay open.
-Vic
Monday, April 6, 2020
My Story
Hiya,
So, you're probably looking for some juicy details about a stranger's life. It is called a not-so-secret diary, after all.
Truth is, I don't think my life is that entertaining. I'm just a bi-demi-romantic asexual trans-guy/nonbinary-questioning being, after all. Yeah... That's a mouthful I'll explain in my posts over time.
From kindergarten to 12th grade, I attended private Catholic schools. Then after that, I went to a more progressive Christian college. Either way, I had limited knowledge of the LGBT community. My high school wouldn't even let us learn about the human reproductive systems in biology class. Just to give you a general idea.
Granted, my college was at least more open and somewhat accepting of the LGBT community, even if they didn't understand it. Still, it took some books, some tv shows, and going down a YouTube hole around Pride Month for me to discover anything. My general idea beforehand was that gay people were gross, and if you were confused about your gender, the answer was when you looked down in the bathroom.
At the time, I admit I laughed along, albeit confused and somewhat painfully. As far as I knew, there was only one classmate who was part of the LGBT community. Back then, it would have been great to know I was ace. The only thing I'm thankful for about being awkward and in a small Catholic school is that I didn't get into any relationships. Because if my ex-friends had their way, I most likely would have gotten myself into a lot of situations I would have regretted. They were probably well-meaning, but for me personally, it would have been bad.
Leading on from that, before realizing the mouthful I said earlier, I'm also somebody who's got ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Yay!
.....
Yeah, it's not that great. And now, you can add on the awareness of recognizing gender dysphoria for what it is. To sum up, I got screwed over by the lottery of life. (I'm also short with formerly messed up teeth.)
My story isn't over, clearly. So it's honestly hard to write this page. I've written everything relevant as of now. Well, other than everything about my wonderful and amazing best friend who also happens to be my boyfriend of three years now. Though to be fair, if I start talking about him, we'll be here forever because I love him so much. I'll probably mention him more than once throughout this blogging journey anyway.
The plan is I post something every week, so keep an eye out.
See ya soon,
-Vic
So, you're probably looking for some juicy details about a stranger's life. It is called a not-so-secret diary, after all.
Truth is, I don't think my life is that entertaining. I'm just a bi-demi-romantic asexual trans-guy/nonbinary-questioning being, after all. Yeah... That's a mouthful I'll explain in my posts over time.
From kindergarten to 12th grade, I attended private Catholic schools. Then after that, I went to a more progressive Christian college. Either way, I had limited knowledge of the LGBT community. My high school wouldn't even let us learn about the human reproductive systems in biology class. Just to give you a general idea.
Granted, my college was at least more open and somewhat accepting of the LGBT community, even if they didn't understand it. Still, it took some books, some tv shows, and going down a YouTube hole around Pride Month for me to discover anything. My general idea beforehand was that gay people were gross, and if you were confused about your gender, the answer was when you looked down in the bathroom.
At the time, I admit I laughed along, albeit confused and somewhat painfully. As far as I knew, there was only one classmate who was part of the LGBT community. Back then, it would have been great to know I was ace. The only thing I'm thankful for about being awkward and in a small Catholic school is that I didn't get into any relationships. Because if my ex-friends had their way, I most likely would have gotten myself into a lot of situations I would have regretted. They were probably well-meaning, but for me personally, it would have been bad.
Leading on from that, before realizing the mouthful I said earlier, I'm also somebody who's got ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Yay!
.....
Yeah, it's not that great. And now, you can add on the awareness of recognizing gender dysphoria for what it is. To sum up, I got screwed over by the lottery of life. (I'm also short with formerly messed up teeth.)
My story isn't over, clearly. So it's honestly hard to write this page. I've written everything relevant as of now. Well, other than everything about my wonderful and amazing best friend who also happens to be my boyfriend of three years now. Though to be fair, if I start talking about him, we'll be here forever because I love him so much. I'll probably mention him more than once throughout this blogging journey anyway.
The plan is I post something every week, so keep an eye out.
See ya soon,
-Vic
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