Hey, everybody,
Sorry about no post last week. Mental health got in the way. And honestly, this week I've had a serious case of writer's block. Basically, not a great couple of weeks.
I'll be writing a few more posts in advance from now on if I can. Sort of as a buffer so this doesn't happen again.
On a more serious note, mental health is important. Take a break for yourself. There's only one you. No one can replace you.
-Vic
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Monday, May 11, 2020
Playlist Thoughts - 1
Heya, guys,
First, sorry this is posted so late. I kept editing this a lot. But hopefully, this helps some folks out there.
Recently, I've been thinking about a playlist I started making at some point last year. It's my dysphoria playlist. Sharing it might not work, seeing as it's personalized to me specifically. However, an outline might help better. I'll see if in the future I can share other playlist thoughts, though currently I only have one for my dysphoria. Probably should have one for anxiety and depression too, tbh.
So basically my outline was kinda as follows (even with this, it's not all organized in a specific way, cause my ADHD brain has its own way of organization):
1) Trans YouTubers that I watch a lot, usually their advice videos or transitioning
- For this one, I only have 3 videos so far. A top surgery progression video, advice on top surgery, and how to handle doubt with dysphoria.
- Basically, this is stuff I relate to, or I'm looking forward to. If I see anything else, I might add to it, but the core videos I have there serve their purpose.
- This section mostly serves to alleviate my physical dysphoria and doubts.
2) Music I can sing to that makes me feel like the gender I am and is in a register that doesn't make me feel like I'm faking it too much
- There's not a lot of music that I love that I can actually sing to anymore. I used to be in a choir, and although I hated the spotlight, I still love singing. But now there's not a lot of songs that I used to sing with that I can still sing with.
- So I've picked songs for me that are in a low enough register that I'm not straining, but not high enough that I feel dysphoric.
- Sadly, this is a small section as well, though honestly, that's more because I haven't used this section as much via YouTube. I have a playlist on my phone through Amazon Music that does the same thing.
3) Trans humor
- Relateable trans humor, memes, reaction videos.
- Need I say more?
4) Trans short films with a positive ending
- These are still tough to find. I have a trigger to suicide, even if it's just implied, so my favorite one I still have to skip over a bit of it. (It's called Masked by MomentumStudiosAU)
- Also very hard to find ones about trans guys. I'm also very picky and don't like to watch ones that don't make me immersed.
- (Nothing against creators, I'm just picky and I'm trying to fix that)
5) General funny leading to LGBT specific funny and back to general
- I've got videos of: John Mulaney; LGBT vines (doing my best to have mostly clean humor because sex jokes annoy me); clips from LGBT characters in shows and movies being disasters; some of my favorite YouTubers doing weird and funny stuff that makes me pee laughing whenever I watch them
- Basically, it comes down to: what makes you laugh reliably and having enough to the point where you forget you were so down, or at least calmed down to where you can address what was upsetting you.
6) Coming out videos of my favorite YouTubers
- Just people talking about their coming out experiences, then I'll also risk reading the comments on certain ones because I know their fans aren't toxic.
- I don't really understand why it's comforting, but I also like the ones where they're coming out to the internet, so I understand a bit more about where they're coming from and I'm not alone.
7) Advice on transitioning, how to prepare and such
- I ended up moving most of these to my "For Later- Transition" playlist. It's mostly alleviating fears about what T would do or how to make sure your top surgery will go well (mental health, exercising, taking care of your body, etc).
- Also, a few videos on how to explain being trans to your family members that might not get it at first. I've got a transphobic aunt, so this is mostly to prepare talking to my cousins.
8) Animation videos
- This is more for me. I want to make my coming out video animated. So it's mostly ones that the animation is cool or they have my favorite songs or both. Animation is cool, you know?
9) LGBT positivity/pride month videos
- Thomas Sanders videos and LGBT animatics. That's all I've got there. A lot of it's just for community and whatnot. There's also the added effect that some of them are how I realized I was ace and then trans.
10) More music, just for listening
- Most of these are stuff for animation videos I want to make. "I'll Make A Man Out Of You," "I Can't Wait To Be King," "Make You Proud," to give some examples.
- Maybe it's just me, but these songs, in particular, give strong trans guy vibes. So even though they're from entirely different contexts, they're mine now. (Not really, they still belong to Disney)
11) Try not to cry videos that always make me cry
- Queer Eye clips, emotional videos. Crying helps me a lot. It just releases all the bad feelings, and I'm also usually watching something that makes me smile while I cry. I'm an emotional human, and crying is better than therapy. (Note: In some cases. I still go to therapy.)
12) Random videos that I haven't sorted yet
- This is just stuff I've added recently, but I've been too lazy to sort them. I also have a few random things I like there, but no section yet for them.
Sorry again that this is late. Give this playlist idea a try if you want. Make it personalized to you. This is for your health and mental wellbeing, just like mine is for me. To each their own, you know?
-Vic
First, sorry this is posted so late. I kept editing this a lot. But hopefully, this helps some folks out there.
Recently, I've been thinking about a playlist I started making at some point last year. It's my dysphoria playlist. Sharing it might not work, seeing as it's personalized to me specifically. However, an outline might help better. I'll see if in the future I can share other playlist thoughts, though currently I only have one for my dysphoria. Probably should have one for anxiety and depression too, tbh.
So basically my outline was kinda as follows (even with this, it's not all organized in a specific way, cause my ADHD brain has its own way of organization):
1) Trans YouTubers that I watch a lot, usually their advice videos or transitioning
- For this one, I only have 3 videos so far. A top surgery progression video, advice on top surgery, and how to handle doubt with dysphoria.
- Basically, this is stuff I relate to, or I'm looking forward to. If I see anything else, I might add to it, but the core videos I have there serve their purpose.
- This section mostly serves to alleviate my physical dysphoria and doubts.
2) Music I can sing to that makes me feel like the gender I am and is in a register that doesn't make me feel like I'm faking it too much
- There's not a lot of music that I love that I can actually sing to anymore. I used to be in a choir, and although I hated the spotlight, I still love singing. But now there's not a lot of songs that I used to sing with that I can still sing with.
- So I've picked songs for me that are in a low enough register that I'm not straining, but not high enough that I feel dysphoric.
- Sadly, this is a small section as well, though honestly, that's more because I haven't used this section as much via YouTube. I have a playlist on my phone through Amazon Music that does the same thing.
3) Trans humor
- Relateable trans humor, memes, reaction videos.
- Need I say more?
4) Trans short films with a positive ending
- These are still tough to find. I have a trigger to suicide, even if it's just implied, so my favorite one I still have to skip over a bit of it. (It's called Masked by MomentumStudiosAU)
- Also very hard to find ones about trans guys. I'm also very picky and don't like to watch ones that don't make me immersed.
- (Nothing against creators, I'm just picky and I'm trying to fix that)
5) General funny leading to LGBT specific funny and back to general
- I've got videos of: John Mulaney; LGBT vines (doing my best to have mostly clean humor because sex jokes annoy me); clips from LGBT characters in shows and movies being disasters; some of my favorite YouTubers doing weird and funny stuff that makes me pee laughing whenever I watch them
- Basically, it comes down to: what makes you laugh reliably and having enough to the point where you forget you were so down, or at least calmed down to where you can address what was upsetting you.
6) Coming out videos of my favorite YouTubers
- Just people talking about their coming out experiences, then I'll also risk reading the comments on certain ones because I know their fans aren't toxic.
- I don't really understand why it's comforting, but I also like the ones where they're coming out to the internet, so I understand a bit more about where they're coming from and I'm not alone.
7) Advice on transitioning, how to prepare and such
- I ended up moving most of these to my "For Later- Transition" playlist. It's mostly alleviating fears about what T would do or how to make sure your top surgery will go well (mental health, exercising, taking care of your body, etc).
- Also, a few videos on how to explain being trans to your family members that might not get it at first. I've got a transphobic aunt, so this is mostly to prepare talking to my cousins.
8) Animation videos
- This is more for me. I want to make my coming out video animated. So it's mostly ones that the animation is cool or they have my favorite songs or both. Animation is cool, you know?
9) LGBT positivity/pride month videos
- Thomas Sanders videos and LGBT animatics. That's all I've got there. A lot of it's just for community and whatnot. There's also the added effect that some of them are how I realized I was ace and then trans.
10) More music, just for listening
- Most of these are stuff for animation videos I want to make. "I'll Make A Man Out Of You," "I Can't Wait To Be King," "Make You Proud," to give some examples.
- Maybe it's just me, but these songs, in particular, give strong trans guy vibes. So even though they're from entirely different contexts, they're mine now. (Not really, they still belong to Disney)
11) Try not to cry videos that always make me cry
- Queer Eye clips, emotional videos. Crying helps me a lot. It just releases all the bad feelings, and I'm also usually watching something that makes me smile while I cry. I'm an emotional human, and crying is better than therapy. (Note: In some cases. I still go to therapy.)
12) Random videos that I haven't sorted yet
- This is just stuff I've added recently, but I've been too lazy to sort them. I also have a few random things I like there, but no section yet for them.
Sorry again that this is late. Give this playlist idea a try if you want. Make it personalized to you. This is for your health and mental wellbeing, just like mine is for me. To each their own, you know?
-Vic
Monday, May 4, 2020
Changing My Name- Part 1
Hello all,
I'm in the process of legally changing my name. So I thought I'd share how it goes.
Firstly, how I chose my name. It was actually originally a pen name. I wanted something gender-neutral, so I went on some websites and finally picked something I liked. Or maybe it was just a name my friend helped me pick out. Honestly, it was years ago, so I don't remember quite how that went. Although, the name website path is how I found what I'll be changing my middle name to.
Basically, I chose something that I don't love love love. Which after looking at a lot of "choosing your name advice," it's a good thing. If you think about it, not a lot of people absolutely love their names all the time, even if it was the same one you. So I guess one effect of loving a name too much is that you could be sick of it later. Not that you can't choose a name you absolutely love. It's just a suggestion.
Obviously, once you've chosen a name and that you'll be legally changing it, it can literally cost you. In my state, you have to pay around 200 US dollars when you initially file the papers. But you also have to pay to put it in the newspaper later, though I don't know how much that'll cost me yet.
That's also something to keep in mind if that's one of the conditions in your state/county. Your full name, both old and new, will have to be printed in a newspaper. If that ends up being a safety issue, you can hire a lawyer to help you waive that condition. One example, an abusive person you know possibly seeing this information, then you obviously wouldn't want them to find your new name. Or a transphobic family member. No matter the reason, you'd still need a lawyer for something like that.
Plus, some other info will have to be in the newspaper as well, like what town you live in, your birth month and year, and some other personal stuff. Just remember to keep this in mind. It might vary by state to state, but that's something common I've heard from asking others.
Also, just remember not to rush. I've wanted to change my name for years, and honestly, being trans is the main reason I'm doing it. It gives me a lot of dysphoria to be connected with my birth name. However, I haven't rushed the process because my current name means a lot to some people. If I say I'm changing it because I hate it, which I don't, that'll hurt these people. I won't go into detail, as that's both a long story and very personal.
Changing your name is a big deal and can be expensive, though you can waive the price to do it. Still, it's a lot of legal stuff, and I didn't even mention the fact that I'll have to be going through other legal hoops later. Like having to change it on my driver's license and credit cards and other important identification forms. I'll be leaving that for part two after I've successfully filed everything.
-Vic
I'm in the process of legally changing my name. So I thought I'd share how it goes.
Firstly, how I chose my name. It was actually originally a pen name. I wanted something gender-neutral, so I went on some websites and finally picked something I liked. Or maybe it was just a name my friend helped me pick out. Honestly, it was years ago, so I don't remember quite how that went. Although, the name website path is how I found what I'll be changing my middle name to.
Basically, I chose something that I don't love love love. Which after looking at a lot of "choosing your name advice," it's a good thing. If you think about it, not a lot of people absolutely love their names all the time, even if it was the same one you. So I guess one effect of loving a name too much is that you could be sick of it later. Not that you can't choose a name you absolutely love. It's just a suggestion.
Obviously, once you've chosen a name and that you'll be legally changing it, it can literally cost you. In my state, you have to pay around 200 US dollars when you initially file the papers. But you also have to pay to put it in the newspaper later, though I don't know how much that'll cost me yet.
That's also something to keep in mind if that's one of the conditions in your state/county. Your full name, both old and new, will have to be printed in a newspaper. If that ends up being a safety issue, you can hire a lawyer to help you waive that condition. One example, an abusive person you know possibly seeing this information, then you obviously wouldn't want them to find your new name. Or a transphobic family member. No matter the reason, you'd still need a lawyer for something like that.
Plus, some other info will have to be in the newspaper as well, like what town you live in, your birth month and year, and some other personal stuff. Just remember to keep this in mind. It might vary by state to state, but that's something common I've heard from asking others.
Also, just remember not to rush. I've wanted to change my name for years, and honestly, being trans is the main reason I'm doing it. It gives me a lot of dysphoria to be connected with my birth name. However, I haven't rushed the process because my current name means a lot to some people. If I say I'm changing it because I hate it, which I don't, that'll hurt these people. I won't go into detail, as that's both a long story and very personal.
Changing your name is a big deal and can be expensive, though you can waive the price to do it. Still, it's a lot of legal stuff, and I didn't even mention the fact that I'll have to be going through other legal hoops later. Like having to change it on my driver's license and credit cards and other important identification forms. I'll be leaving that for part two after I've successfully filed everything.
-Vic
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